when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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