Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
