I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
