Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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