You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
