thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
