Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
