omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
