we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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