i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
