The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize