it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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