I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there is puke in my bra ... again
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