You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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