why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
