I want to stick my p in your. b.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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