Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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