dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
