I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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