i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't deserve a penis
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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