I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
