Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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