Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize