but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
