He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
