That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
