I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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