I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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