The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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