So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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