Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
