I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
