Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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