I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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