I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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