Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
