why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
