I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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