Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
