Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
