oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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