just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
