I hate your face
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
