It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize