I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
