Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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