That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
