i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
