I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
