Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
