I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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