All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
