i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
