the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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