it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
