I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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