i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
