The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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