Define "chronic" masturbator.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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