just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
