Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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