Can i not drive my cunt home
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize