I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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