this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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