If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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