shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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