I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
