just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
