my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
