Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
