How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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