I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize