you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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