She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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