I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
