He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
