You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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