Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize