It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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