party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
