pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize