He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
