before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize