Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
