Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
