I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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