just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize