I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
