Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
