my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
