Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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