Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
