I cannot find my penis.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
