Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize