Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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