she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize