If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
