Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
