Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
