Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Green mimosas i think yes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
