1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Randomize
