He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
