he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
