Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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