i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
did you just send me my own nude
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
