She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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