Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
