so explain again why im purple
no
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
