very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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