Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need a beard to bite.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
