I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
